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This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.
Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings
Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.
Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.
Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities
While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.
Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.
These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
Consider routines to support their transition
Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.
If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
Find opportunity for mastery and meaning
As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.
Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at pdnews@mdedge.com.
This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.
Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings
Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.
Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.
Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities
While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.
Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.
These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
Consider routines to support their transition
Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.
If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
Find opportunity for mastery and meaning
As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.
Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at pdnews@mdedge.com.
This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.
Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings
Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.
Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.
Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities
While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.
Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.
These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
Consider routines to support their transition
Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.
If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
Find opportunity for mastery and meaning
As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.
Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at pdnews@mdedge.com.